


Happy New Year

by thestarsjustblinkforus



Series: 90's Amis [2]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: 90's Amis, Drunk Enjolras, Gen, M/M, New Year's Eve, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2015-03-05
Packaged: 2018-03-16 10:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3484727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarsjustblinkforus/pseuds/thestarsjustblinkforus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>He doesn’t…</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He doesn’t think he’s drunk…?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Although he’s never actually been drunk before… so maybe there’s a maybe happening and he’s just too unused to all of this to really know for certain…?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>But he definitely feels… lighter. Looser. Easier. His shoulders feel all rolly and his hips all sway-y and the room takes a second to catch up with him when he turns his head too quickly, and oh, woah, hmmm, he maybe sort of understands why people get drunk in the first place if he is drunk in the first place because it’s kind of maybe a good feeling but… but he doesn’t want to be drunk… because… because he is afraid of himself most of the time, afraid of doing the wrong thing of saying the wrong thing of feeling the wrong thing and feeling like this (lighterloosereasyrollysway-y) makes it easier to do and say and feel those things…</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy New Year

_Early morning, January 1, 1994_

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

He doesn’t…

He doesn’t  _think_ he’s drunk…?

Although he’s never actually  _been_ drunk before… so maybe there’s a maybe happening and he’s just too unused to all of this to really know for certain…?

But he definitely feels… lighter. Looser. Easier. His shoulders feel all rolly and his hips all sway-y and the room takes a second to catch up with him when he turns his head too quickly, and  _oh, woah, hmmm_ , he maybe sort of understands why people get drunk in the first place if he is drunk in the first place because it’s kind of maybe a  _good_ feeling but… but he doesn’t  _want_ to be drunk… because… because he is afraid of himself most of the time, afraid of doing the wrong thing of saying the wrong thing of feeling the wrong thing and feeling like  _this (lighterloosereasyrollysway-y)_ makes it easier to  _do_  and  _say_ and  _feel_ those  _things…_

Example: He just told Feuilly he would like to listen to him talk  _forever_  when he had only meant to  _think_ it and then tried to pet his hair because  _red_ and he might have whispered very loudly that Bahorel has Very Impressive arms and he wishes he could be that  _strong_ and  _muscley_ and Jehan kissed him on the cheek and said " _You are so pretty Enjolras"_  and the press of Jehan’s lips felt like little crackles like fizzy like pop rocks in his belly and he wants to know what it would feel like if his mouth had a kiss pressed to it too and he finds himself looking again, turning his head too fast with  _looking_ again and  _oh_ the spin is  _nice_ …

But he can’t  _find_ him…

_He missed the 10-9-8… He missed it…_

And that wasn’t nice _at all_  that was… He had thought maybe… He had hoped maybe he could be standing next to him when they got to  _3-2-1 Happy New Year_  and maybe… 

But he was nowhere in sight, he’s  _still_ nowhere in sight…

_Where’d he gooooo…_

And he can admit it to himself that he has been looking, he can admit he has been looking for him all night because he is very drunk right now definitely drunk right now no maybes about it right now and Combeferre is smiling at him in that nice  _Combeferre_  way he has that makes him want to touch his nose so he does -  _boop_ \- and Courf laughs like the champagne bubbles he swallowed down with a grimace but had more and more of because  _Happy New Year Happy New Year_  and he wants to be  _normal_ , he wants to feel like everyone else tonight and Combeferre says, _"Who?"_

_"Grantaaaaaire…"_

Grantaire came to the party late, 11:22 pm, and he squeezed Jehan hello, lifting him off his feet with it, punched Ferre lightly in the arm, ruffled Courf’s ruffly hair, licked Bahorel’s face, nodded stiffly at him and then disappeared and he thinks it’s on purpose because of [the singing thing](http://90samis.tumblr.com/post/112656643547/ive-had-the-song-stuck-in-my-head-all-day-but-i) that made him throw up the first time it happened and Grantaire found out about that because Jehan told him and why did Jehan tell him that  _why why why…_

And R has been different since [he sang back at him](http://90samis.tumblr.com/post/112656661197/sorry-i-apparently-got-back-on-a-nirvana-kick) at Joly’s party, R has been  _quiet_ , R has been avoiding him for  _weeks_  just like he’s been avoiding him since he arrived tonight - half a second of eye contact and before Enjolras could move or wave or shout  _please come here please_  over the music and the laughing and the talking really really loud,  _poof_ ,  _gone,_  but it’s a _new year_  and he wants things to be  _new_ … 

_Can we be new Grantaire… Can we-_

_"I haven’t seen him!"_  Courf shouts over the music and twirls a blushing Jehan,  _[All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here… in my arms…](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0AKJMGxwpE)_ , and Jehan catches his eye as he goes round and looks at him in a way that makes Enjolras want to pull the neck of his sweater up over his face and hide but he doesn’t because that would be weird and he’s trying so hard not to be weird and awkward and his eyes sting a little as Jehan sings along with Courf, " _Words are very unnecessary… they can only do harm…"_ , and he is so very definitely definitely drunk  and he starts to panic about it a little because his parents will just be too  _pleased_ about it and he can’t have that so he stumbles away from Jehan’s watchful eyes and Courf’s champagne-bubble laugh to the bathroom because everything is suddenly too loud and too hot and too  _spinny_ … 

The bathroom is blessedly empty and lit by candles so the light is very soft and pleasant and he starts feeling nicely floaty again and less anxious because he can still hear the music and people talking and laughing and singing but it’s not so overwhelming, sometimes he gets so  _overwhelmed_ … 

He turns on the faucet, bends to drink from it and it tastes much better than champagne, he thinks he does not like champagne very much, and he breathes deep like he can breathe it away,  _I will not be drunk anymore…_  He holds his hands under the stream and then to his face, and when he takes them away he is looking into the mirror and Grantaire is watching him from where he is sitting in the bathtub with another bottle of champagne between his thighs. Enjolras turns slowly to face him and not his reflection and he can feel the rivulets of cold cold water sliding down his neck and under the line of his sweater as he sits down beside the tub and he rests his chin on the edge of the tub and Grantaire is still watching him and he thinks, 

_Why are you in **here…**_

and R answers him because R is a mind-reader, 

"Got too hot out there."  

and Enjolras has to agree and he does, he nods profusely. So many people so much body heat so much alcohol making his cheeks flush and his skin feel warm like sunburn… He leans back to take off his sweater so he can feel the porcelain better and then he rests his cheek on it, presses his body against it, mumbles into it,   _"Why did you run away I wanted you there for the 10-9-8 stuff…"_

"What for?"

And he doesn’t answer, and he doesn’t let himself even think,  _because I wanted you to be my first New Years kiss_ , because he doesn’t trust his mouth not to say it out loud and he can’t say something like that out loud…

He whispers instead against the perfect cool porcelain, "I like [this song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqmeb6HrDdc),do you like this song, Grantaire?" and he hears him swallow the  champagne straight from the bottle and Grantaire doesn’t offer him any and he likes that he knows him well enough not too despite the fact that he is so obviously embarrassingly drunk on champagne  _right now_ so obviously already had some, had a lot tonight, and Grantaire says after a moment, _"Yeah. Yeah, I like this song a lot",_  and Enjolras says, "Me too I like this song a lot" _,_  and he closes his eyes and he thinks he feels Grantaire’s hand in his hair, light and hesitant in a way he doesn’t associate with Grantaire because Grantaire is not careful Granatire is not afraid of things like he is afraid of things and Enjolras lifts his head and his hand is suddenly gone like it wasn’t even there at all and maybe he made it up and someone shouts "Switch the song, fucker!" because it’s too slow for a party, too pretty for a party, too romantic for a party and his face feels warm, too warm again when he looks at Grantaire looking at him.

"I’m hot", he whispers and Grantaire lets out a soft huff of breath and he continues letting his mouth say what it wants as he gets awkwardly to his feet and stares down at Grantaire as Grantaire looks up at him, eyes at half mast with the bottle halfway to his open mouth that Enjolras stares at when he says,"Can I get in the tub with you?"

And Grantaire blinks and then he whispers back, "Yeah, ok" and scoots over. Enjolras clambers in and their legs hang over the edge together, their backs against the tiled wall together and it is nice and cold and Grantaire starts tapping out the beat of the next song after a minute of too-quiet quiet and Enjolras’s arm is pressed against Grantaire’s arm that’s nice and warm and he says, ["I know this song!"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHswOhYeThA) and Grantaire laughs at how delighted he is by it and he explains, "Courf likes them he put them on a tape for me because I asked him what was good so I could tell you songs I like…"and he trails off because that feels like the wrong thing to say, and Grantaire, after an excruciatingly long moment where he considers running away or at least hiding his face like he wanted to when Jehan was  _looking_ at him like he  _knows things_ about him, says softly, "I like [the song](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-czDG-LoeCo) you… uh, that time… Joly’s birthday… the one you…"

"Oh…"He suddenly feels sick remembering again how  _awful_ … 

He says loudly, desperately, "Let’s not do that anymore ok?" and scratches at the stain on his knee from where Bossuet dropped guacamole on him earlier when Grantaire doesn’t answer, and he is always embarrassing himself in front of Grantaire like this, always saying the wrong thing, asking for the wrong thing, and Grantaire  _doesn’t like him_ , he  _knows_  he doesn’t, but at least… at least…

He takes a hiccup of breath, says quietly as he stares at the dried smudge of guacamole shaped like Florida on his kneecap, "You liked the song?"

"Yeah… I looked it up…"

Enjolras takes a deep breath and pulls his legs in so he’s fully in the tub now and turns to face Grantaire who is running his thumb around around around the open mouth of the bottle and Enjolras says excitedly, probably  _too_  excitedly, but _**Crowded House**_ , "They’re coming in March! Combeferre and Courfeyrac are taking me for my birthday! I’ve never been to a concert before do you want to come with us…" and Grantaire doesn’t answer again but his thumb stops moving and he flushes too hot again and he closes his eyes tight, presses his face hard into the tile and says quietly, his lips against it, "You don’t have to if you don’t want you don’t have to…" And it’s really hard to breathe all of a sudden it’s really hard to breathe,  _always saying the wrong thing, asking for the wrong thing,_ and Grantaire says his name like a question and his breathing is so weird right now and all the saliva is rushing to his mouth and he and he  _no no no_

he throws up

and Grantaire doesn’t move but his hand drops down into his hair for real this time as he gasps and then moans over the mess in Grantaire’s lap, "I’m sorry I’m sorry",and Grantaire strokes his fingers carefully through his sweat-damp curls and Enjolras looks up into his eyes that are very close and Enjolras thinks/whispers, " _I never know what to say to you…"_  and Grantaire smiles ruefully, sings along softly with the song playing on the other side of the bathroom door before raising the champagne bottle to his lips again,  _["Should we talk about the weather... Should we talk about the government..."](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNkKq9mVeVc)_  and Enjolras frantically shakes his head  _No_ and the spinning is not nice now but Grantaire laughing is, it really really is, and Enjolras thinks,

_I wanted to kiss you I thought about it all night every time I saw you every time you disappeared…_

but he can’t now, he can’t because everything is so gross and he says out loud, too loud, "I’m so gross…"

Grantaire shrugs, his hand leaving Enjolras’s hair and he wants to snatch it back.

"No big. I puke on myself all the time. I can steal some pants from whoever the fuck lives here" and Enjolras nods, "Ok… yeah, yeah you should take off your pants -" Grantaire chokes on his champagne and it dribbles down his chin "But ask to borrow some ok, no stealing ok? They were nice and threw a nice party and they’re letting us drink even though we’re underage and they’re playing good songs…"

"They are. They are playing good songs,"Grantaire gently agrees as he wipes his mouth on his sleeve and helps him out of the tub, trying not to get any of Enjolras’s mess on Enjolras and Enjolras thinks,  _Why am I so stupid around you why do I always mess up around you_

but says instead, "Happy New Year, Grantaire…"

And

"I’m sorry I vomited on you, Grantaire…"

And Grantaire reaches out, maybe to touch his hair again but doesn’t, and says, "Let’s go find Combeferre, huh?"

**Author's Note:**

> [90's Amis Verse](http://90samis.tumblr.com/)


End file.
